Dark days over time become more like ordinary days, simply with dark moments. The shock and awe of the worst of them do give way over time to something different, but still, sometimes…
Sometimes I feel this hole inside
From where a wellspring of joy
Once overflowed with abundance
Where now a gaping, screaming void
Stabs and scorches the looking eye
Leaving scars of pain and longing and rage
Momentary diversions move me for a while
Then I dutifully return
To my station at the precipice
To pay respects to an unforgiving space
That rewards the gesture cruelly
Regret and guilt and despondency
Overspill and trammel what light remains
Drowning in the undertow of memory’s flames
No matter what I do or what I want
Meanwhile life just keeps coming at me
Unrelenting and unforgiving
Can’t fix on the void, can’t look away
From this perpetual train wreck
No matter what I do, I’m damned either way
Swimming against swirling troubles
Instinct taking over
I fall into the aether, flailing
Into the void within
Out of my mind
Your grief is so understandable after all you’ve been through, just know it’s the deepest of love in your hearts that causes this grief, at the level you are feeling it. Without love, there can be no grief. At Jax’s Celebration Of Life, the Love that I witnessed was beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life. Your family and support has honesty moved me, in a positive way! It’s your love for each other, and the support of your dear family and friends that will hold you up when you when times get tough. Your family is very inspiring!! Big hugs from us to all of you. ????
Thank you for your kind words, Laurie. We are so grateful for friends like you during this very unsettling time. It’s so true that the level of grief we feel is in direct proportion to the love we share. Much as I hate the grief, I also feel some consolation in that knowledge. <3