This week we observed our first Valentine’s Day without Jax. Normally, it’s one of those days that come and go with tokens of affection and joy for those closest to us. No big deal in the Markley house. We know how we feel and have never had any trouble expressing it with each other.
But this time it was different. It was one of those days when you’re torn between feelings of joy and appreciation for all you have, and abject heartache for all you’ve lost. I feel Jax’s absence every minute of every day — but on this day the gravity of Jax’s absence felt like a black hole ripping away at my insides, like it did when we first lost Jax.
This is what not okay feels like. I’m not okay. We’re not okay. But our family is together in this, loving as ever, and still grateful for each other and for the years we had with Jax. And that will never change.
I miss you, Jaxy. We miss you. And we love you ETERNALLY.