Brighter Shades of Gray

Brighter Shades of Gray

by | Jan 24, 2023 | Poetry

The following is a poem I wrote about the struggle to heal in the face of insurmountable grief. In short, there are no shortcuts. But in the same sense that loss is payment for the love we feel, love is also ultimately a source of healing from loss.

– – –

Yesterday I saw a picture of you
As I crossed the hallway
With a shattered heart and a tear in my eye
On may way to another dreary day

The other day I saw it too
Walking that well worn path
Into the fray of another dull day
With slow blink and nihilistic sigh I made my way

And further still I look back too
Stopping at the sight of you
Beating back tears and invasive thoughts
Why must this be? Why must it be you?

Fast forward many, many days
My heart frozen, guarded, numb in a way
Unseen but felt, a gradual thaw begins
Memories melting the cold, dull gray

Ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly

In future days, when I pass this place
The warmth of your smile and a million moments
That can never ever be taken away
Repaint my world in a brighter shade of gray

I cling to hope that a time will come
The tears we shed will capitulate
To the vibrant glow of your big box of paint
Indelible color carrying the day

You were, and are, and will always be
An indestructable part of me
Though the hole in my soul will never go away
I’ll do my best to fill it up
With brighter shades of gray

Ladybugs

Ladybugs

by | Jan 17, 2023 | General, Stories

You may be wondering what’s with the ladybug logo. Here is the story. Throughout their life, Jax seemed to be a magnet for ladybugs. It seemed like from a very young age, any time we’d go out into nature – gardens, wild places, anywhere you’d see plant life, at least one ladybug would hitch a ride on Jax. There was a particular moment in 2018 when we were getting around Paris using public transit, when out of nowhere, a ladybug flew into the bus and landed on the rim of Jax’s glasses of all places. I think that was when this officially became a “thing.” And this is why you see the symbolism of the ladybug everywhere in our celebrations of Jax’s life.